Humanity and Sanity
In the beginning when god created earth and the apple tree and all that, he had not completed the screenplay. Hes a bit like Tarantino, take each scene as it comes kinds. When he had finished with the creation he decided that he shall let all the actors (All the worlds a stage, remember)ad lib their way through life. And things were progressing at a nice even pace until......until one day humans decided to do things differently.
But first a bit of background. One morning a few thousand years ago, a sheperd was taking his sheep out for breakfast (that night the sheep was dinner, but that is not our concern)when an angel came to him and told him "My dear fellow you are the son of god, so stop this nonsense with the sheep and go forth and save mankind". As an after thought the angel added "You know, son of god, if I were you, I wouldn'd do what you did to that sheep behind the tree, it is not very good for your image."And with a flash of light and the usual bangs and other assorted sound effects the angel was gone. The sheperd was lost in thought for a while and then he decided that saving mankind was more appealing than being a waiter for sheep and its ilk.So he got a few of his friends and went around talking the talk and walking the walk (the fact that he walked the walk on water was instrumental in drawing a decent sized crowd on weekends).Some people listened to him and some others threw stones at him but 'son of god' was a pretty hardy chap and he didnt let a few stones interrupt his performance. He threw grand dinners with fishes and loaves, went around turning water into wine and all the usual tricks that travelling conjourors do. This went on for a while until one fine day the people of the town got tired of the act and decided to have a final big bash. The gathered at the town square with their children and picnic baskets and somewhere between the main course and dessert they caught 'son of god' and nailed him to a cross and told him it was time for him to go meet his papa.
This act by a bunch of hooligans in an obscure little town has had and still has an impact on almost everything that happens on this little rock called earth.
In the intervening years, from the time 'son of god' took a nail ride to meet his pater to the present times, humans entertained themselves by having a couple of wars, inventing bombs that can destroy the earth seven hundred and fourteen times, having an odd inquisition here and a few genocides there and generally having a good time. They also invented some far out stuff, like for instance when the energy bills of the developed countries were skyrocketing, some bureaucrat came out with the brillint idea of warming the enitre globe with carbon monoxide emissions instead of heating individual buildings.This cost saving idea reportedly got the bureaucrat a noble prize and a box of belgian chocolates.
Alright gettin back to the present. So,life was moving along pleaseantly until a small child in an obscure corner (this is not the same obscure corner where 'son of god' had the disagreement with the locals) of the globe threw a stone in the pond of humanity creating ripples that led to far reaching consequences.
This child was on his way to gather firewood when out of the sky came a whooshing sound and a big bang. The child unpreturbed (he was in Rwanda you see, where the tutsi and the Hutu tribes are trying to find out if there is a bullet proof member amongst them) finished gathering the wood and came home to see that his home had been converted into a giant fireplace.The kid who had seen these things happen to other children in the neighbourhood on a pretty regular basis took it in his stride and moved into the neighbours house without batting an eyelid.
This whole scene was caught live on tape by a CNN crew covering the news in Rwanda. The digital images travelled half way around the world and landed in the desk of a news producer. The producer who had a small girl of his own and also being a devout follower of 'son of god',saw the tape and something inside him snapped. Being senior enough to put on air whatever he saw fit, he telecast the unedited version of the tape over and over again with an applet running below saying "Is this what our lord meant when he said 'Love thy neighbour'".
This was picked up by other networks and eventually was telecast around the world over and over again. The world leaders saw the images, the old man with the funny hat in that tiny country saw it, the crazy dictator in the asian country saw it, the queen in the empire where the sun never rises saw it and they all agreed that it was not something that 'son of god' had listed in the list of "do's ". It was more likely to be in the list of "dont's".
The UN general assembly was called to an emergency session and the world leaders took an oath never to let anything go bang or boom ever again. The war mongers were given a day to stop their mongering or told that UN hit squads would send them to learn better table manners from 'son of god'. The world was once again a peaceful Place and humanity could go back to its more serious pursual of the meaning of life.
Have a nice day :-)
All monetary contributions to,
'The Rwandan fund for kevlar vests'
PO Box. 3398
Head Post office
Rwanda.
Edit: Since the head post office has been bombed out of existence please send your contributions to the Vatican. It will reach us along with the next load of christian missionaries.
But first a bit of background. One morning a few thousand years ago, a sheperd was taking his sheep out for breakfast (that night the sheep was dinner, but that is not our concern)when an angel came to him and told him "My dear fellow you are the son of god, so stop this nonsense with the sheep and go forth and save mankind". As an after thought the angel added "You know, son of god, if I were you, I wouldn'd do what you did to that sheep behind the tree, it is not very good for your image."And with a flash of light and the usual bangs and other assorted sound effects the angel was gone. The sheperd was lost in thought for a while and then he decided that saving mankind was more appealing than being a waiter for sheep and its ilk.So he got a few of his friends and went around talking the talk and walking the walk (the fact that he walked the walk on water was instrumental in drawing a decent sized crowd on weekends).Some people listened to him and some others threw stones at him but 'son of god' was a pretty hardy chap and he didnt let a few stones interrupt his performance. He threw grand dinners with fishes and loaves, went around turning water into wine and all the usual tricks that travelling conjourors do. This went on for a while until one fine day the people of the town got tired of the act and decided to have a final big bash. The gathered at the town square with their children and picnic baskets and somewhere between the main course and dessert they caught 'son of god' and nailed him to a cross and told him it was time for him to go meet his papa.
This act by a bunch of hooligans in an obscure little town has had and still has an impact on almost everything that happens on this little rock called earth.
In the intervening years, from the time 'son of god' took a nail ride to meet his pater to the present times, humans entertained themselves by having a couple of wars, inventing bombs that can destroy the earth seven hundred and fourteen times, having an odd inquisition here and a few genocides there and generally having a good time. They also invented some far out stuff, like for instance when the energy bills of the developed countries were skyrocketing, some bureaucrat came out with the brillint idea of warming the enitre globe with carbon monoxide emissions instead of heating individual buildings.This cost saving idea reportedly got the bureaucrat a noble prize and a box of belgian chocolates.
Alright gettin back to the present. So,life was moving along pleaseantly until a small child in an obscure corner (this is not the same obscure corner where 'son of god' had the disagreement with the locals) of the globe threw a stone in the pond of humanity creating ripples that led to far reaching consequences.
This child was on his way to gather firewood when out of the sky came a whooshing sound and a big bang. The child unpreturbed (he was in Rwanda you see, where the tutsi and the Hutu tribes are trying to find out if there is a bullet proof member amongst them) finished gathering the wood and came home to see that his home had been converted into a giant fireplace.The kid who had seen these things happen to other children in the neighbourhood on a pretty regular basis took it in his stride and moved into the neighbours house without batting an eyelid.
This whole scene was caught live on tape by a CNN crew covering the news in Rwanda. The digital images travelled half way around the world and landed in the desk of a news producer. The producer who had a small girl of his own and also being a devout follower of 'son of god',saw the tape and something inside him snapped. Being senior enough to put on air whatever he saw fit, he telecast the unedited version of the tape over and over again with an applet running below saying "Is this what our lord meant when he said 'Love thy neighbour'".
This was picked up by other networks and eventually was telecast around the world over and over again. The world leaders saw the images, the old man with the funny hat in that tiny country saw it, the crazy dictator in the asian country saw it, the queen in the empire where the sun never rises saw it and they all agreed that it was not something that 'son of god' had listed in the list of "do's ". It was more likely to be in the list of "dont's".
The UN general assembly was called to an emergency session and the world leaders took an oath never to let anything go bang or boom ever again. The war mongers were given a day to stop their mongering or told that UN hit squads would send them to learn better table manners from 'son of god'. The world was once again a peaceful Place and humanity could go back to its more serious pursual of the meaning of life.
Have a nice day :-)
All monetary contributions to,
'The Rwandan fund for kevlar vests'
PO Box. 3398
Head Post office
Rwanda.
Edit: Since the head post office has been bombed out of existence please send your contributions to the Vatican. It will reach us along with the next load of christian missionaries.
posted by Antimatter at 1:00 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home