Bottom 10 Books
Inspired by some list makers out there, I decided to make a list of ‘10 must read books’. But then better sense prevailed, there are lots of ‘10 must reads’ brought out by such prestigious publications like the ‘Wollongong times’ and ‘The Timbuktu Herald’.
So, I decided to do a service to the ladies, gentlemen and other assorted species. Here is my list of “Must cross the road if you see these books”.
The worst ever books. I am not including the so-called classics here; they will be dissected another day. (This consists of books I have read or tried to read, feel free to add more, d-uh, use the comments section dodos)
10. Making the Minister Smile-Anurag Mathur
An absolutely insipid story about trying to make a minister smile. Even a 10 year old knows that the only way to make a minister smile is to transfer all the money in yours, your wife’s and your neighbors bank account to the ministers personal benefit fund. So why write three hundred odd pages of rubbish?
9. Flight of the Eagle- Peter Watt
The damn cover said, and I quote, “As good as Wilbur Smith, or your money back”. Idiot that I am, I missed the small asterix that says, “see inside for details”. The fact that it was written in Arial font size- .00000000001 is no excuse. I should have carried my electron microscope with me. Ok, getting back to the small print, it said that if I want my money back I have to return the book to the publishers along with my receipt. The publishers are in the United Kingdom and I am in the South Indian town of Chennai. My shipping charges will be thrice the value of the book, so, considering all things I decided to retain the book as a memento of my stupidity.
8. The House of Blue Mangos – David Davidar
A mega Ad campaign suckered me into buying this and I swore, never again shall I buy a book based on its promotion. This book is a mega serial in printed format.
7. A 5th portion of chicken soup for the soul- Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen
I usually give this kind of book a wide berth, but an uncle’s rave reviews made me borrow the book. Now, I give my uncle a wide berth.
6. The Mandala of Sherlock Holmes – Jamyang Norbu
I have read and reread Sherlock Holmes when I was a kid. Thus its no surprise that I picked up this book in spite of its less than average reviews. I will pay more attention to reviewers in future.
5. New York Burning – Dominique Lapierre and Larry Collins
‘City of Joy’ was one of the most intense (clichéd but that’s the best word I can find) books I've read. Why do these guys have to do a crossover book and make us want to cross over the river Styx before picking up another book of theirs?
4. American Star- Jackie Collins
Now we are getting into the “I truly hate these books” phase. How this trash ever got into the bestseller list is beyond me. I’d rather read used tampons instead of this muck. The damn thing has gotta be tagged as a weapon of mass destruction. But then I was young.
3. Airframe – Michael Crichton
This is on the list just for spite. A guy who writes a book like “Prey” should not lend his name to this piece of crap. He could excuse it as a bad hair day, but I am still disappointed.
2. Bourne Legacy- Eric Von Lustbader
The ‘Bourne’ name will sell sand to a Bedouin. And that is exactly what they have tried to do here. ‘DO NOT go anywhere close to this book. It is God’s wake up call to all bookworms. This book is the eighth deadly sin. Fucking hell, I have never cursed an author, But here I will make an exception.
1.are you afraid of the dark? – Sidney Sheldon
This book is still in the top 10 of every Indian bestseller list. This book should carry a warning that says, “ There is a sucker born every minute, welcome to the society, buddy.” Yeah, so many good books, one should expect a lousy one, but one shouldn’t expect an author’s crap to be printed as a book. Me thinks they took Sid’s used toilet paper, made copies and sold it to the public. Actually even that can’t be this bad.
Kindly send your contributions to:
Watch more TV, read less books
Fox Networks,
We are there, everywhere.
So, I decided to do a service to the ladies, gentlemen and other assorted species. Here is my list of “Must cross the road if you see these books”.
The worst ever books. I am not including the so-called classics here; they will be dissected another day. (This consists of books I have read or tried to read, feel free to add more, d-uh, use the comments section dodos)
10. Making the Minister Smile-Anurag Mathur
An absolutely insipid story about trying to make a minister smile. Even a 10 year old knows that the only way to make a minister smile is to transfer all the money in yours, your wife’s and your neighbors bank account to the ministers personal benefit fund. So why write three hundred odd pages of rubbish?
9. Flight of the Eagle- Peter Watt
The damn cover said, and I quote, “As good as Wilbur Smith, or your money back”. Idiot that I am, I missed the small asterix that says, “see inside for details”. The fact that it was written in Arial font size- .00000000001 is no excuse. I should have carried my electron microscope with me. Ok, getting back to the small print, it said that if I want my money back I have to return the book to the publishers along with my receipt. The publishers are in the United Kingdom and I am in the South Indian town of Chennai. My shipping charges will be thrice the value of the book, so, considering all things I decided to retain the book as a memento of my stupidity.
8. The House of Blue Mangos – David Davidar
A mega Ad campaign suckered me into buying this and I swore, never again shall I buy a book based on its promotion. This book is a mega serial in printed format.
7. A 5th portion of chicken soup for the soul- Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen
I usually give this kind of book a wide berth, but an uncle’s rave reviews made me borrow the book. Now, I give my uncle a wide berth.
6. The Mandala of Sherlock Holmes – Jamyang Norbu
I have read and reread Sherlock Holmes when I was a kid. Thus its no surprise that I picked up this book in spite of its less than average reviews. I will pay more attention to reviewers in future.
5. New York Burning – Dominique Lapierre and Larry Collins
‘City of Joy’ was one of the most intense (clichéd but that’s the best word I can find) books I've read. Why do these guys have to do a crossover book and make us want to cross over the river Styx before picking up another book of theirs?
4. American Star- Jackie Collins
Now we are getting into the “I truly hate these books” phase. How this trash ever got into the bestseller list is beyond me. I’d rather read used tampons instead of this muck. The damn thing has gotta be tagged as a weapon of mass destruction. But then I was young.
3. Airframe – Michael Crichton
This is on the list just for spite. A guy who writes a book like “Prey” should not lend his name to this piece of crap. He could excuse it as a bad hair day, but I am still disappointed.
2. Bourne Legacy- Eric Von Lustbader
The ‘Bourne’ name will sell sand to a Bedouin. And that is exactly what they have tried to do here. ‘DO NOT go anywhere close to this book. It is God’s wake up call to all bookworms. This book is the eighth deadly sin. Fucking hell, I have never cursed an author, But here I will make an exception.
1.are you afraid of the dark? – Sidney Sheldon
This book is still in the top 10 of every Indian bestseller list. This book should carry a warning that says, “ There is a sucker born every minute, welcome to the society, buddy.” Yeah, so many good books, one should expect a lousy one, but one shouldn’t expect an author’s crap to be printed as a book. Me thinks they took Sid’s used toilet paper, made copies and sold it to the public. Actually even that can’t be this bad.
Kindly send your contributions to:
Watch more TV, read less books
Fox Networks,
We are there, everywhere.
posted by Antimatter at 8:59 AM
6 Comments:
Hey..I have finally gotten around to setting up links ...would you mind if I added a link to your blog?
Sure,you can.
Hey, great post. Was thinking of doing this myself sometime. Agree with most of of your choices and jump up in joy and applaud at your choice for no.1. oh how much it sucked.
But, I thought 'Airframe' rocked!
Einstein? Theory of relativity? I read Prey and airframe back to back in that order, maybe thats why I felt it to be a big let down. Like readin Da Vinci code and the rest of Dan B one after another. It progressively detoriated.
Hey, I know this is a bit late, but here's my 2 cents anyways..
Technically, 'Airframe' came before 'Prey', so the line that says "A guy who can write 'Prey' should not..." is flawed. But then the rest of the list - I pretty much agree with. And as for No.10, it ruined my life and opinion of Sidney Sheldon.
Dude, that has to be the worst written book ever. Never figured out what kind of masochistic editor/publisher would let that pass even moderate scrutiny...
Correction time then, Mike 'should'nt have lent his name to Airframe'. He should have published it under the name of say, Georgie Porgie Junior. As for 'are you afraid of the dark', i have information from reliable sources stating that the publisher's son was kidnapped and held hostage. :-)
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