Lobotomy Untangled
'Psychothymic mood swings'. According to a psychiatrist, Boris Yeltsin (the ex Russian president) was suffering from this illness. Someone please explain the idea behind a psychiatrist. A guy who talks to the spirits is considered an idiot, astrology is unflushed crap, crystal ball gazers are candidates for the fuckwits club, but a shrink makes sense??
Am I missing something here, how does one read another persons mind? A perfectly nice guy who says please at breakfast in a coffee shop will chop his neighbor into bite sized pieces that night because of a disagreement over whos dog peed where. And the mumbo jumbo names given to exotic mental illness are designed to make sense only to the elite club of millionaire shrinks.
Antimatter has decided to unshrink the facts and give you an explanation for some commonly used psychiatric terms.
Multiple personality disorder:
A person who is not sure whether, he is the person that he is, or, is the person whom he thought he was, or, is the person who is actually the person who thinks he is the person who thought he was that person, or, is the person who thought he thinks is the person who thought the person who thought is the person but actually wasnt that person but is the person who thought the person is a manifestation of all the above persons.
Homicidal Psychopathic Syndrome:
Commonly occurring in females. Normally afflicts them when the boyfriend/husband pisses them off (I wonder if it affects lesbians. Any light thrown on the subject will be appreciated). Usually cured by flowers. In acute cases a candle lit dinner or jewelry might be necessary.
Acute Depression
An illness invented by the big pharmaceutical companies to increase their profits. Prozac an anti depression drug has remained in the global top 10 (the drug companies call it the "pillpop top 10") for decades. No one has ever been cured of this non-existent mental illness.
Schizophrenia
In a person afflicted by the big S, a part of the mind will move into a solitary cell part of the mind and think that all other parts of the mind are out to attack the part of the mind that is in the solitary cell part of the mind. Some times the part of the mind in the solitary cell part of the mind is right, other times the part of the mind that is not in the solitary cell part of the mind is right. But it pays to remember that at no part of time are both, i.e. the part of the mind in the solitary cell part of the mind as well as the other parts of mind that are not in the solitary cell part of the mind right.
Psychothymic mood swings (PMS)
Here you travel the distance from the above mentioned acute depression to its opposite 'acute joy' in a few milli seconds. It would all be nice and hunky dory if one goes from sadness to happiness, the trouble starts when one keeps traversing that distance back and forth six times an hour. Then you tend to look like a clown in a B-grade circus. Now you giggle, now you sob, you giggle, you sob..giggle..sob.. gigg..so..gig..s, you get the picture?
PMS (Post Menstrual Syndrome)
Reams and reams have been written on this bio-mental activity. Though no cure has ever been found, there have been a few strides in the quest to understanding this syndrome. The first fact to be discovered is that, all animal species including the humans tend to feel a little under the weather when blood flows away from the confines of the body. The second and more important fact is that the members of the female species like the idea of having Psychlothymic Mood Swings and they use PMS as an excuse, maybe that's why both have the same abbreviation.
Authors note: For those who have issues against the PMS bit, yeah yeah yeah, I have tried to understand that thing and lost the race. I have no intentions of increasing my knowledge on that subject anymore. People who come out with highly intelligent observations such as, "you don't know what its like", "a man will never know the pain of going through it", and the classic "you are an asshole", will be banging the head against the proverbial wall. If I were meant to understand PMS I would have been born a woman. I am not, and I have learnt to live with it, I suggest you do too.
Enjoy what's left of life before the shrinks get you.
Contributions to:
The Shrink Coordination committee for finding non-existent mental illness
National Institute of Mental Health and Neurological Sciences
Bangalore India.
Am I missing something here, how does one read another persons mind? A perfectly nice guy who says please at breakfast in a coffee shop will chop his neighbor into bite sized pieces that night because of a disagreement over whos dog peed where. And the mumbo jumbo names given to exotic mental illness are designed to make sense only to the elite club of millionaire shrinks.
Antimatter has decided to unshrink the facts and give you an explanation for some commonly used psychiatric terms.
Multiple personality disorder:
A person who is not sure whether, he is the person that he is, or, is the person whom he thought he was, or, is the person who is actually the person who thinks he is the person who thought he was that person, or, is the person who thought he thinks is the person who thought the person who thought is the person but actually wasnt that person but is the person who thought the person is a manifestation of all the above persons.
Homicidal Psychopathic Syndrome:
Commonly occurring in females. Normally afflicts them when the boyfriend/husband pisses them off (I wonder if it affects lesbians. Any light thrown on the subject will be appreciated). Usually cured by flowers. In acute cases a candle lit dinner or jewelry might be necessary.
Acute Depression
An illness invented by the big pharmaceutical companies to increase their profits. Prozac an anti depression drug has remained in the global top 10 (the drug companies call it the "pillpop top 10") for decades. No one has ever been cured of this non-existent mental illness.
Schizophrenia
In a person afflicted by the big S, a part of the mind will move into a solitary cell part of the mind and think that all other parts of the mind are out to attack the part of the mind that is in the solitary cell part of the mind. Some times the part of the mind in the solitary cell part of the mind is right, other times the part of the mind that is not in the solitary cell part of the mind is right. But it pays to remember that at no part of time are both, i.e. the part of the mind in the solitary cell part of the mind as well as the other parts of mind that are not in the solitary cell part of the mind right.
Psychothymic mood swings (PMS)
Here you travel the distance from the above mentioned acute depression to its opposite 'acute joy' in a few milli seconds. It would all be nice and hunky dory if one goes from sadness to happiness, the trouble starts when one keeps traversing that distance back and forth six times an hour. Then you tend to look like a clown in a B-grade circus. Now you giggle, now you sob, you giggle, you sob..giggle..sob.. gigg..so..gig..s, you get the picture?
PMS (Post Menstrual Syndrome)
Reams and reams have been written on this bio-mental activity. Though no cure has ever been found, there have been a few strides in the quest to understanding this syndrome. The first fact to be discovered is that, all animal species including the humans tend to feel a little under the weather when blood flows away from the confines of the body. The second and more important fact is that the members of the female species like the idea of having Psychlothymic Mood Swings and they use PMS as an excuse, maybe that's why both have the same abbreviation.
Authors note: For those who have issues against the PMS bit, yeah yeah yeah, I have tried to understand that thing and lost the race. I have no intentions of increasing my knowledge on that subject anymore. People who come out with highly intelligent observations such as, "you don't know what its like", "a man will never know the pain of going through it", and the classic "you are an asshole", will be banging the head against the proverbial wall. If I were meant to understand PMS I would have been born a woman. I am not, and I have learnt to live with it, I suggest you do too.
Enjoy what's left of life before the shrinks get you.
Contributions to:
The Shrink Coordination committee for finding non-existent mental illness
National Institute of Mental Health and Neurological Sciences
Bangalore India.
posted by Antimatter at 12:13 AM
3 Comments:
lol...typical.. anyway, PMS stands for Pre-menstrual syndrome, not post.
Dont bother correcting urself...Sometimes for me its post menstrual. Or maybe its just my boyfriend;)
See, pre...post...cant even get that right. This shit confuses me. Thats why I gave up.
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