What a wonderful world
(Title, thanks to Louis Armstrong)
This is the country that kills a few thousand Muslims in Gujarat and then a few months later, gets itself a Muslim President. A few thousand Sikhs are killed because a prime minister goes on an aerial trip to meet the maker thanks to a Sardar with a grudge against her, and a couple of decades later we have a Sikh prime minister to show that we are the most tolerant dodos on the planet. (Never mind the fact that, even as the present PM takes charge, a few of his collegues are indicted in the ’84 riots that killed thousands of his brethren.) Either we are sick and need help, or, we are sick and need help.
This has given antimatter a brilliant idea to solve all the world’s problems.
Israel: Elect a Palestine as the prime minister of the country and let Ariel Sharon take over as the Palestine’s representative. Even if they both work on a negative agenda, at least we will get a result in a couple of decades.
Iran: Let the moderate President Khatami hand over the administration to the Ayatollah and get himself a dacha in the black sea. The moderate militant students will kill the hardliner clerics and become hardline-moderate students (!). The hard line clerics will be scared into submission. Khatami can come back from his vacation and continue his deeds.
Sri Lanka: Hand over the Tamil territories to the LTTE. What the hell, lets go all the way and hand over the whole country to the LTTE. When Prabakaran comes out to campaign in support of a Prime ministerial candidate, bomb his ass out of existence. Am sure he will understand the tit for tat, eye for an eye thingy (and may his soul rest in peace). Start peace talks with a clean slate.
Afghanistan: Get the American troops out of there and. …well, let them sort out their own differences. At least it would keep the whole world amused while teaching the Afghan’s that fighting ain’t worth a shit except as free programming material for CNN.
Chechnya: Just give those guys the bloody land. The Russians have more land than anyone else.
Taiwan: Draw an agreement that will have Taiwan merging with mainland China the day their per capita income draws level.
North Korea: Name Kim Jong Ill as the “dear leader” of a unified Korea and continue with democracy. Gee, it’s that simple.
Iraq: Get the entire US army in there. That way, they will be too busy thrusting democracy down the Iraqi’s throats, thereby keeping the rest of the world in a relative state of peace.
USA: More homicides are committed each day in the cities of USA than most of the so called ‘hot spots’ on the planet, so we shall send in a UN force (consisting of Iraqi’s, Iranian’s, North Korean’s, Afghan’s, Palestinians, Croatian’s and Chechen’s to keep law and order in the worlds most powerful ‘democracy’.)
Politics and diplomacy suck.
This is a simplistic solution? So give me a better one instead of finding holes in the idea.
Send your contributions to:
The king of Saudi Arabia
(He doesn’t need the money, but he is still greedy for more)
Charity begins at home, so, give some more for the house of Sauds!
(That particular house is not your home? Well, they never specified ‘whose’ ‘home’)
This is the country that kills a few thousand Muslims in Gujarat and then a few months later, gets itself a Muslim President. A few thousand Sikhs are killed because a prime minister goes on an aerial trip to meet the maker thanks to a Sardar with a grudge against her, and a couple of decades later we have a Sikh prime minister to show that we are the most tolerant dodos on the planet. (Never mind the fact that, even as the present PM takes charge, a few of his collegues are indicted in the ’84 riots that killed thousands of his brethren.) Either we are sick and need help, or, we are sick and need help.
This has given antimatter a brilliant idea to solve all the world’s problems.
Israel: Elect a Palestine as the prime minister of the country and let Ariel Sharon take over as the Palestine’s representative. Even if they both work on a negative agenda, at least we will get a result in a couple of decades.
Iran: Let the moderate President Khatami hand over the administration to the Ayatollah and get himself a dacha in the black sea. The moderate militant students will kill the hardliner clerics and become hardline-moderate students (!). The hard line clerics will be scared into submission. Khatami can come back from his vacation and continue his deeds.
Sri Lanka: Hand over the Tamil territories to the LTTE. What the hell, lets go all the way and hand over the whole country to the LTTE. When Prabakaran comes out to campaign in support of a Prime ministerial candidate, bomb his ass out of existence. Am sure he will understand the tit for tat, eye for an eye thingy (and may his soul rest in peace). Start peace talks with a clean slate.
Afghanistan: Get the American troops out of there and. …well, let them sort out their own differences. At least it would keep the whole world amused while teaching the Afghan’s that fighting ain’t worth a shit except as free programming material for CNN.
Chechnya: Just give those guys the bloody land. The Russians have more land than anyone else.
Taiwan: Draw an agreement that will have Taiwan merging with mainland China the day their per capita income draws level.
North Korea: Name Kim Jong Ill as the “dear leader” of a unified Korea and continue with democracy. Gee, it’s that simple.
Iraq: Get the entire US army in there. That way, they will be too busy thrusting democracy down the Iraqi’s throats, thereby keeping the rest of the world in a relative state of peace.
USA: More homicides are committed each day in the cities of USA than most of the so called ‘hot spots’ on the planet, so we shall send in a UN force (consisting of Iraqi’s, Iranian’s, North Korean’s, Afghan’s, Palestinians, Croatian’s and Chechen’s to keep law and order in the worlds most powerful ‘democracy’.)
Politics and diplomacy suck.
This is a simplistic solution? So give me a better one instead of finding holes in the idea.
Send your contributions to:
The king of Saudi Arabia
(He doesn’t need the money, but he is still greedy for more)
Charity begins at home, so, give some more for the house of Sauds!
(That particular house is not your home? Well, they never specified ‘whose’ ‘home’)
posted by Antimatter at 7:11 AM
2 Comments:
hmm...interesting post....but u kinda missed some more troublesome spots....like the trigger happy people of Africa...and who can forget colonel Gaddaffi....not to mention Rwanda, Zimbabwe etc....still pretty admirable solution. We need more people like u. So keep it up. Just remember if u do come up with something better dont post it
Cheers
MoM, thanx. I would be relying on you to support my nomination for the UN Sec Gen post.
UL, there are 191 member nations in the UN and most of them could do with Antimatter solutions. I neither have the patience nor the inclination to address them all. About the 'more people like' me part, believe me, you dont want more of my kind. We already have global warming, nuclear holocaust and tsunamis to contend with. ;-)
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